Long to rain over us

Rain refreshes the parts other weather phenomena cannot reach. As we all know, the sun's a complete waste of everybody's time and the wind is just a pesky irritant

Peter Edgerton
PETER EDGERTON

It's just not happening. Raining in Malaga, I mean. In spite of various weather forecasts over the last few weeks predicting torrential downpours and comedy, base-over-apex, falling over antics in the city centre owing to its being paved in materials especially designed to make the most agile of pedestrians slip and slide at the first hint of any moisture, not a jot precipitation has, as yet, been forthcoming. This is a shame because I'm happy when it rains. (That, you may recall was the name of an excellent 1980s song by The Jesus And Mary Chain which, given the fact they were Scottish, presumably left them in a state of almost perpetual ecstasy).

Anyway, here are a few reasons why, contrary to conventional wisdom, rain is rather marvellous.

First, it keeps a lot of other people indoors. This means you can put your favourite beige anorak on and step boldly outside, secure in the knowledge that there won't be any queues anywhere and you can get two hours worth of stuff done in half an hour.

Next, it refreshes the parts other weather phenomena cannot reach. As we all know, the sun's a complete waste of everybody's time and the wind is just a pesky irritant, especially if you're wearing a hat or playing frisbee. Or, indeed, playing frisbee in a hat. No, only the rain can make you feel gloriously alive and want to do that outstretched arm thing that Tim Robbins did when he escaped from prison in The Shawshank Redemption after swimming through a sewer pipeline and emerging, exhausted, into a full blown storm. Anyone who didn't like the rain and found themselves in the same situation would, presumably, roll their eyes, tut ostentaciously and then swim all the way back again.

Another great thing about the rain is that it gives you a chance to assess other people's mettle. Imagine you're on a first date and your partner starts whinging about a few droplets falling from the sky. This would mean you were more than justified to pretend you'd just got a message on your phone to say that your house was on fire and to leg it sharpish, possibly with your arms outspread like Tim Robbins.

Likewise, wedding days. I haven't been to many weddings but I did once attend one where it poured down all day, soaking the poor woman getting hitched to the bone. She just laughed a lot and seemed completely unfazed by the whole thing. Now, that's what you call a beautiful bride.

Last but by no means least, they need the rain out in the fields to supply us with the raw materials to be able to stock the shelves in the supermarket where, if it's chucking down, there will, of course, be no queue. That, I believe, is what they call a win-win situation.