One step beyond

The splendid old adage 'just because you can doesn't mean you should' is applicable in many walks of life if you're in search of the best possible outcome in a given situation. Sport and music are two fine examples: a footballer who insists on nutmegging a defender three times before crossing the ball is about as much use as the guitarist who is determined to play twenty-eight notes when two would be much more appropriate.

When learning a new language, most people, it's probably fair to say, pass through a similar stage. Having started with a few self-conscious mumblings, followed by a bit of frustrated hand-waving and pointing, the typical learner will eventually make some kind of breakthrough and subsequently bask in the kind of over-confidence usually only associated with stag and hen parties. This is where the fun starts - when you begin to think you're getting a handle on the language but when the locals, who are usually just being polite to a fault, can see that, in reality, you're a country mile from your destination.

One of the first expressions anyone learns in Spanish is 'de nada' meaning 'you're welcome' or, more literally 'it's nothing'. Like the musician's two notes, this is more than sufficient for ninety-nine per cent of situations and conversations. The thing is if, as a learner, you're passing through your just-a-bit-too-cocky phase and you hear a Spanish person reply to 'gracias' with an alternative to 'de nada' like 'faltaría más' you'll look on this as an opportunity to use it forthwith and thus set yourself apart from the crowd of everyday learners. You do indeed set yourself apart from the crowd but not in the way you intended.

I could immediately tell by the way they looked at each other and then at their shoes that the other customers in the shop were a bit embarrassed on my behalf. They'd seen it all before - the foreign language learner trying to show off the inner depths of his knowledge and making a pig's ear of the whole thing. It became clear in an instant - though rather too late - that if a shopkeeper takes your money and says 'thank you' the correct response isn't 'it's the least I could do' which is what I was loosely saying with my pretentious 'faltaría más'.

To be fair to those present, looking back, they all did very well not to guffaw uncontrollably at my expense for which I'm grateful to this day but it was a humbling experience nonetheless. In fact, I haven't used 'faltaría más' even once during the subsequent twenty-five years. It'd be too traumatic.

Still, I can only hope my ancient folly might save any new language learners reading this from falling into a similar trap someday. De nada.

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