Digital display

'Good morning." "Good morning. I've come to install a digital certificate on my phone, please."

My adversary eyed me suspiciously.

"Have you got the reference number?"

"Yes." She looked vaguely disappointed.

"NIE?"

"Well, it's a TIE, but yes." Her eyes lit up.

"Aha! You'll need a passport as well, then, I'm afraid."

"Yes, I've got it here." Visibly crestfallen, she reached for a small, grey rubber cat which presumably served as some kind of stress-reliever, sighed heavily and turned on her computer.

"Actually, could we uninstall the current one first, please?"

At this point an older gentleman bearing an unnerving resemblance to the American comedian Larry David ghosted in from nowhere, rather fittingly curbing everyone's enthusiasm as he did.

"No. We can't uninstall anything. Our job is to install digital certificates. Nothing more."

"Well, I'd be grateful if..."

"No. You need a someone who works with computers."

"You work with computers."

My impatient tone brought a purplish hue to Larry's cheeks and caused the woman at the desk to squeeze the cat a little bit too hard. Let's face it, I'd blown it - there'd be no uninstalling of digital certificates going down in the 'hood any time soon.

My snippiness hadn't appeared out of the blue, mind you. In a 15-minute telephone conversation with an official a week beforehand to clarify exactly what I'd need to bring with me, they'd somehow neglected to mention the passport. The subsequent second visit a day later did, in fact, result in a successfully installed certificate. Hurrah! Unfortunately, the top-secret password had been incorporated in such a way as to be displayed as the actual name of the certificate, directly on display for all to see.

And so, this was my third attempt at success and, to be frank, patience was at a premium.

"Please, can we just install a new certificate?"

This time her sigh was so heavy it disturbed a pile of papers that looked like it had been there since about 1998. The in-tray, presumably.

"Yes - give me your phone, please." The cat looked somewhat relieved.

It took about two minutes.

"Can we just do a quick check to see if it works and save me having to come back again, please?"

I half expected Larry David to appear at this point holding forth on how quick checks were beyond their remit but he must have been on a coffee break.

We did a run-through and it all worked fine. I thanked the woman and took my leave, with only one nagging task remaining - finding a way to uninstall the old certificate.

Outside on the office steps, less than a minute later it was done. Good old ChatGPT.

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