Grinning from year to year

What, then, will 2023 bring? Here are some predictions.

The cost of living will continue to rise on a hell-for-leather basis, prompting families throughout Europe to re-mortgage their properties in order for them to be able to nip to the shop for a loaf of bread and half a dozen eggs. Small children who want any sweets will be forced to sell one of their mobile phones.

Next, our memories of the last two or three years will still adhere to no particular form, let alone chronological order. We'll continue to wonder if Joe Biden became president of the US before or after Will Smith lamped Chris Rock at the Oscars or whether New Year's Eve comes before or after Christmas. It depends how you look at it, of course, but whichever way it is, there can be no doubt that our minds have been irrevocably twisted and left in some weird time/space continuum that no-one will ever quite understand. This may be a good thing.

In politics, people in dodgy suits will continue to pay lip-service to doing the right thing while emphatically not doing the right thing. Edmund Burke may or may not have said that "the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing" but whoever it was certainly biffed the rivet on the bonce.

In film, someone will come up with an original idea. Only kidding, re-hashed zombie romps and superhero prequels will continue to hold court while "the creatives" spend more time discussing which font to use on the closing credits of Batman: The Kindergarden Years than actually thinking of a story. Maybe Wonder Woman could be chased through a dystopian landscape by some zombies or something. Just an idea.

As for the world of sport, tennis will be left with a gap the size of Elton John's diastema following the retirement of Roger Federer. The Spaniard Carlos Alcaraz will start the year at number one in the rankings but may find it difficult to convince the general public that now is his time since the general public isn't entirely sure what the concepts of 'now' or 'time' are any more (see above).

Finally, in the world of music, vinyl sales will continue to rise exponentially owing to the delusion that putting needles on grooves makes music sound better. It doesn't, writing better music makes music sound better but it gives us something to do while we're waiting, I suppose.

Wishing everyone a very happy and very healthy 2023.