Twenty years of the most romantic orientation

While everyone experiences romance, some more often than others, there is one sexual orientation that is officially described as the most romantic. Demisexuals (also known as emotional orientation) need to form strong emotional bonds in order to experience secondary sexual attraction.

The term ‘demisexual’ was introduced on the Asexual Visibility and Education Network forums in February 2006. It was proposed by user “sonofzeal” as an alternative to the similar term ‘semisexual,’ which defined a sexual orientation between asexuality and sexuality.

Based on the theory that allosexuals experience both primary and secondary sexual attraction, while asexuals experience neither, the term ‘demisexual’ was proposed for people who experience the latter but not the former. In March 2022, the term was added to the Oxford English Dictionary.

Over the course of two decades, demisexuality has become a recognised part of the LGBT+ community, establishing itself on the grey asexuality spectrum. Though demisexuality is not widely known to the general public, demisexual people have become more visible over the recent couple of years, thanks to testimonials from celebrities.

For example, Spanish actress Ana Milán publicly stated in November 2024 that she is demisexual. In her interviews, she admitted that sex without an emotional connection is boring for her and that she has even gone without sexual activity for a long time. The actress from Valencia confessed that "sex for sex's sake" is very difficult for her and that she would not have a one-night stand, confessing that thinking about it makes her "disgusted".

Last year, demisexuality was highlighted by singer Pablo Alborán, a native of Malaga known for his hits in many countries around the world, when he revealed details of his sexuality. Feeling pressure from the media, the singer appeared on the podcast No Te Lo Cayes, where he identified himself as demisexual. He emphasised that ‘nothing excites him more than love.’

Pablo likes "knowing that there is something more than just the physical". The singer also shared his understanding of good sex: "a feeling that goes far beyond the skin".

Milán and Alborán's revelations came as a surprise, but at the same time drew attention to this sexual orientation.

Demisexuality is becoming increasingly common in Europe. More people in Spain are identifying as demisexual, despite the problems they may still face. Lekko from Torremolinos told SUR in English that he often feels like an outsider even among sexual minorities.

"Demisexuality is not a preference or a character trait… Since adolescence, the idea of touching someone unknown has never seemed particularly appealing to me. I have always needed to establish a deep emotional connection with someone before any sexual feelings arise. It's no surprise that people see me as a challenge. In any case, I feel more comfortable and more accepted in Spain than in my home country," Lekko explained.

It is worth noting that there is a variety of demisexuality and characteristics that can be misleading. For example, the duration and degree of interpersonal acquaintance and connection necessary for a demisexual person to develop sexual attraction can vary greatly from person to person.

Moreover, not all demisexuals experience romantic attraction. In addition, there are demisexuals who may decide to engage in casual sex without even feeling sexual attraction towards their partner. Incidentally, unlike other words used to describe sexual orientation, the term ‘demisexuality’ does not indicate which gender or genders a person finds attractive.

In Spain, especially in Madrid, great strides are being made in the field of asexuality, including demisexuality. There are groups that bring together asexuals, greysexuals and demisexuals. Members of Asexual Community España (ACEs) communicate via social media and organise meetings for socialising and outdoor activities. Last November, the first event for people with asexual orientation was organised in the Spanish capital as part of Tardeos ACEX.