You could be suffering from emotional exhaustion and you don't even know it

Sometimes we have been feeling really ‘off’ for a good while and don’t even know it. This is what happens with emotional exhaustion, a symptom of burnout and an illness that goes unnoticed by most people. How do we know if we’re suffering from it? “It’s like carrying a backpack full of rocks that you can’t let go of, a kind of ‘pick and shovel’ of emotions that, when left unmanaged, can leave us completely blocked,” says psychologist María Padilla, from Capital Psicólogos.

What do we notice? A huge energy void that is the result of a profound depletion of our emotional reserves (yes, it would seem they are limited and sometimes we foolishly squander them). Padilla explains it with a metaphor: “It’s as if you’ve left a tap running for weeks and the tank empties out. You lack energy, clarity and often patience. Even the smallest things can seem like impossible mountains to climb.”As she points out, it’s no wonder that many of us are experiencing it without realising it: “We live in a world where everything seems to demand our attention: work, family, social media, our own and others’ expectations.... If we add to this our personal worries, the result is an explosive cocktail of accumulated stress that ends up completely exhausting us.”

It sounds fatal, like the road of no return, like an endless fall down a well. “No, emotional exhaustion is not the end of the road - it’s a sign that we need a change!” Padilla describes it as a warning sign that we’re not doing something right. So, if this alarm goes off, let’s look at how to confirm if we are suffering from emotional exhaustion in order to deal with it.

Before assuming that this lack of energy is psychological in origin, it is essential to rule out any organic or medical cause(s) for this exhaustion. Anaemia, hormonal problems or even vitamin deficiencies could be behind this constant feeling of fatigue. "The first thing to do is to see a doctor and make sure everything is in order," advises the psychologist. If, after ruling out any physical causes, we still feel that lack of energy, it is time "to look within and ask ourselves: what's going on?"

So, if there's nothing physically wrong with us to justify our going through life with our batteries half-empty, we should make more of an effort to analyse ourselves to get a grip on how long we've been suffering from this overwhelming fatigue and what circumstances may have caused it. "Sometimes, behind this fatigue lie periods of prolonged stress (for months or even years) or emotional burdens that we've been carrying for a long time, even since childhood," warns the expert, who also admits that it is difficult to identify the causes for ourselves. "Our body and mind are so saturated that we need outside help to understand what's happening to us and how to deal with it," she says. A friend, a professional... someone who can offer us an outside perspective (others often see the issue much more clearly) is very helpful. In the search for 'culprits', the usual suspect is overwork, but we have to go beyond that. It's more about feeling responsible for everything: solving problems, taking care of others, or meeting standards that we sometimes impose on ourselves. "Let's remember that the body and mind have limits, so when we reach them, they start complaining."

Overcoming emotional exhaustion is not about continuing to push, but rather about stopping, reviewing and acting with kindness towards ourselves. Review your priorities and ask yourself the million-dollar question: 'What do I really need to feel good?' It sounds silly, but sometimes we avoid asking ourselves this basic question. At this stage, Padilla advises the following roadmap: "Slow down and prioritise. You can't do it all, nor do you have to. Make a list of your responsibilities and eliminate or delegate what isn't essential. And learn to say No without guilt; it's an act of self-care," says the psychologist.

We now know why we've reached this point and stopped dead in our tracks. Now it's time to recharge. To do this, the psychologist suggests, it's good to express your emotions, be that by writing, talking to someone or simply giving yourself time to feel without judgement. Also, to take care of yourself with good nutrition and exercise and to find activities that relax you. These could be listening to music, going to the cinema, but do introduce them into your life gradually so as not to exhaust yourself more than you already are. "Don't demand to feel good right away! Recovery takes time, especially if you've been dealing with burnout for a long time. Be kind to yourself and celebrate every little bit of progress you make."