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‘I went from darkness to stability, love, serenity and happiness…'

‘I went from darkness to stability, love, serenity and happiness…'

Alcoholics Anonymous ·

Gaby is a 38-year-old teacher in a private academy. She lives with her partner, her dog and her fish. Here is her story

Friday, 22 November 2024, 16:18

“There was a great deal of drinking and drug use in my family as I grew up, and it continues to be the same now. Both my parents, my stepfather, my siblings, and stepsiblings are heavy drinkers or regularly consume both drink and drugs.

Growing up in a big, shattered, dysfunctional family, there was plenty of anger and criticism. I felt abandoned, isolated, and alone when my parents split up and my father left. On top of this, I was living in a little village, a very intelligent, depressed, weird girl, who was battling with her sexuality and identity. I stuck out like a sore thumb, and the more people rejected me, the more I rebelled.

I was 12 years old when I started experimenting. At first it was stealing cigarettes from family members; then I quickly moved onto alcohol. My first experience taking drugs happened at the same time as my first blackout from alcohol. I was 14, and it was horrific. I was assaulted and it led to a seriously dark time in my life, and it just went on from there, in near enough the same way for the next 21 years of my life.

I would use alcohol, drugs, sex and food to change the way I felt. My low self-esteem and substance use led me into some very toxic relationships. I would constantly put myself in dangerous situations, and experienced horrific consequences.

In my first AA meeting I was angry and in denial. I was also drunk. I wanted to test all the people in the room. They were kind and gentle with me. They offered me numbers and they texted me, and they asked how I was. I was moved by their kindness. It had been so long since I had felt compassion. I wanted to be like them. I wanted what they had.

That was three and a half years ago and so much has changed. I got a good sponsor. I did what she suggested, and I kept coming back. And a miracle happened. I changed and began to heal. My life is totally different from before, and in the best possible way. I am in a “normal” healthy relationship. I am by no means perfect; I still have a long way to go. The best thing is that I have found stability and love, through which I can experience moments of true serenity and happiness. This is freedom.

If you are struggling as I once was: talk to someone. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. You are not alone. You are stronger than you think. Find your fellowship, with work and patience, the answers will come.”

There are meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous, with friendly people who will understand, held daily, throughout the Costa del Sol. Meetings are free to attend, and anyone who thinks they may have a problem with alcohol is welcome.

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