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Peter Edgerton
Friday, 27 December 2024, 11:11
Blimey! 2024 zipped by in a fortnight, didn't it? Yet here we are again making plans for another new year and, to this end, ... I'd like to offer some predictions that may help you navigate the potentially tempestuous waters of 2025.
In politics, half of the United States will welcome the new(ish) president with open arms, while the other half will look on in wide-eyed bewilderment, still wondering why they and their friends sipping Prosecco at endless San Francisco dinner parties didn't quite have their fingers on the pulse. Expect lots of bull-meets-china-shop antics from the new incumbent. Elon Musk will continue to lurk in the shadows sporting the vacant stare of a Bond villain and the unnerving voice of Brains from Thunderbirds.
The world of sport will continue to witness Pep Guardiola frantically rubbing his head in the hope that his bonce might, in fact, be some kind of magic lantern and he'll be granted three wishes to enable him to put the brakes on his teams headlong freefall into non-league football. The tennis rankings will continue to be a mystery to anyone over the age of forty – we can't conceive of anything related to the sport that doesn't mention Federer, Nadal or Djokovic.
According to people who wear V-neck tank tops and live with their mothers, artificial intelligence will have taken over every job in the world by February, except for the posts of waiting staff because even an artificially created entity wouldn't have the patience to put up with what they have to. Meanwhile online, people possessed of too much confidence and too little heft will continue to scour the world for followers until everybody is following everyone else but nobody is leading anybody anywhere of any consequence. Think of an online version of the children's playground dance Here We Go Round The Mulberry Bush.
The arts will continue to hark back to the past for its inspiration. Expect remakes of remakes of remakes and no new or original stories whatsoever because, to be fair, it's really hard to give wings to your imagination if you're watching endless videos on get-rich-quick side-hustles and dubious eyebrow-shaping techniques.
Having been cited by The Economist as the best economy in the world in 2024, Spain will push for even more national holidays, arguing that there must clearly be some correlation between taking lots of time off and a powerhouse economy. Just take a look at China and America with their stringent work ethic and everything - the Economist didn't choose those losers did it?
Closer to home, Malaga will continue to sink under a deluge of tourists. There may be one or two Malagueños left in the city by the end of 2025 but they'll spend their days being chased around town by packs of foreigners on bicycles desperate for a selfie or an autograph. #MeAndPaco.
Wishing everybody a happy and healthy 2025.
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