Hopelessly, they voted for you

When you dig a little deeper though, it actually starts to look like a rather high figure. If we take foreign nationals, who aren't allowed to vote in national elections (about seven million), out of the picture and also the under-18s with their wildly underdeveloped cerebral cortexes (around eight million), you're left with approximately two thirds of those eligible to vote having done so. That's pretty impressive.

It means that some 18-25 year-olds voted, rather than choosing to lie in a field somewhere with their friends, drinking cider, playing musical instruments really badly and laughing until it hurts, which is what I thought everyone in that age group did almost every day. Crumbs, maybe it was just me.

Anyway, these figures mean that some single parents must have voted, too. In between bearing the workload of two people - which probably feels more like the work of ten, I imagine - they actually managed to find the time to zip down to the polling booth and make their vote count. They deserve a medal.

Even double parents (I just made that term up – I do hope it catches on) have a hard enough time of it, although the ones who cook individual meals for their children (no, really, some of my friends actually do that) deserve all they get.

Still, if you're preparing little Borja's Moby Dick fancy dress costume for World Whale Day or whatever and answering WhatsApp group messages at two in the morning from frantic mothers wondering if cheese and pickle sandwiches or cold chorizo and crisps would be better for a the school trip to Aquapark, it must be hard to whack up the ginger to go and cast a vote the next day. Hats off to those who do.

The people who never fail to participate on these occasions, of course, are the middle-aged singletons and older people. The former just see it as chance to catch the eye of a potential mate amid the simmering passion of the urns, while the latter probably don't really have much else to do, frankly, except for playing a bit of golf or bridge, while all the time secretly wishing they were back drinking cider with their chums in a field somewhere.

Well, the elections are coming around again on 23rd July, so it's a chance for all those eligible to do their duty and put a cross next to the name of someone they have little or no faith in but, you know, at least it'll stop the other bloke winning.