At the Oscar ceremony in the year 2000, Penélope Cruz famously shrieked 'Pedroooooo!' for what seemed like a fortnight, causing international eardrum damage as well as no little embarrassment to the Spanish nation, or at least to the members of it that I spoke to the following day. She'd just pulled the winning name out of the envelope in some category or other and had seen, to her unmitigated delight, that it was her long-standing chum and accomplice Pedro Almodóvar, famous for directing films with no discernible storyline.

I mention this disturbing incident simply because it's probably the only Oscar moment I have any knowledge of - oh, wait, there was that mix up with an old actor (Warren Beatty?) announcing the wrong winning film not so long ago and also Ricky Gervais making the whole wide world squirm during a teeth-grindingly awkward speech a couple of years back.

Anyway, that's it, the sum total of my Oscar knowledge. This is because I wouldn't ever dream of watching the actual ceremony since it involves so many things that are anathema to me: excessively formal clothing, unbridled self-importance, fawning journalists, etc. Most of all, however, I wouldn't ever watch it because always it's far, far too long. Anyone else with the attention span of toddler goldfish will surely empathise.

This, then, is where I must wholeheartedly congratulate the Costa Press Club and their organisation of this year's Communicator Awards evening at the spectacular Tamisa Golf Hotel, Mijas, which I was lucky enough to attend last week. It was a perfectly organised shindig from its punctual start to its punctual finish.

Neil Hesketh ran a tight ship as master of ceremonies, speeches were kept to a bare minimum and the tasty three-course food was served promptly and professionally. Awards were presented, photos were taken and then we all bowled home happy as sand boys and, in my case, in time for last orders which is always a bonus in any man's book.

I can't thank everyone involved enough for a splendidly enjoyable evening with special thanks going to the esteemed Liz Parry for inviting me in the first place.

I'll leave it at that, then, because there's only one thing worse than an interminable Oscar ceremony and that's an interminable newspaper article.