AI cheese

It had to be just a matter of time before AI started messing around with our food, so should we be happy or upset this has already begun? In the wonderful new world where everything is possible, let's look at how AI cheese could affect one of our staple foodstuffs, curds and all.

Picture a digital cheese cellar - cold, humming with data and distinctly lacking in cows. Here, AI doesn't churn butter, but it does churn out protein models. The mission? Create a cheese alternative so convincing, your Camembert-loving uncle might weep into his wine, although if authentic Camembert is under threat, maybe we should be grateful.

First, the AI analyses the chemical composition of traditional cheeses - fat content, amino acids, texture properties, fermentation byproducts. Then it scans thousands of plant-based proteins: soy, oat, chickpea, perhaps even algae grown in a vertical farm in Iceland. With the speed of a thousand interns, it models which combinations could recreate the stretch of mozzarella, the crumble of Stilton or the funk of washed-rind Epoisses.

Then comes flavour: AI simulates which microbial cultures could produce that aged, nutty tang without the aid of a goat. (No goats were harmed in the making of this data set.) The system even predicts how it will melt: will it blister like raclette or just sulk in the oven?

Finally, AI proposes a name. 'Ferme-Noir? Chickeese? Vegugonzola?' Prototypes are sent to human testers, who describe it as "surprisingly creamy," "tastes like cheese's vegan cousin," or "it fooled me until it didn't." Back to the lab it goes.