New term, odd behaviour? Is it stress?
School worries ·
The beginning of term can be a stressful time for parents, but also for children; but they do not know there’s a word to explain how they feelSections
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School worries ·
The beginning of term can be a stressful time for parents, but also for children; but they do not know there’s a word to explain how they feelSolange Vázquez
Friday, 6 September 2024, 18:24
Knowing what is wrong with a small child when they cannot explain how they feel is a skill parents acquire through instinct and trial and error. Even when they grow older, it can still be difficult for a child to communicate a problem, especially when this is something they probably don’t know has a name: stress.
“They don’t have the capacity to tell us what is happening to them, nor do we adults often know how to identify the problem,” said Patricia Vega, lecturer on the Master’s Degree in General Health Psychology at the International University of La Rioja (UNIR). In other words, the perfect storm.
“At this time of year children are often stressed about going back to school, but that is a ‘good’ stress. Adapting at certain ages is not pleasant, but, if done well, this stage passes quickly,” said the expert. This ‘good’ kind of stress helps them to face challenges such as sports matches or exams, for example. The problem can arise when the stress suffered by a child is not that type and when it is prolonged over time.
How long before we start to worry? According to Unicef reports, at least “a few weeks” must pass. For the expert, rather than looking at the criteria of how long the child has been showing signs that something is wrong, it is necessary to look at whether the problem that we have not yet identified “is causing some kind of reaction”. The following are two areas that can give us clues that our children are suffering from stress.
A change in a child’s behaviour should always be a cause for analysis. We must act as ‘detectives’ to find out the cause and tie up the loose ends. According to Vega, the most frequent reasons for stress in children are: spending many hours away from their parents, changes in their environment (divorce, a different school, the arrival of a sibling, the loss of a loved one), bullying, pressure at home to obtain good results, high self-demand, an excess of activities... In any circumstance of this type, the child will show some change in habits, although sometimes they do not even seem bad to us and that is why the stress goes unnoticed.
“An example. Some people suddenly start doing a lot of sport and taking care of their diet. We may think it’s great, but it may be a sign that they are stressed because they feel a lack of control in their lives... and if you don’t have control, you always end up looking for it,” explained the expert. So watch out for these ‘good’ attitudes (giving up hobbies - even video games -, less desire to go out, giving up sweets...).
A child’s stressed mind has its ways of asking for help. Eating badly, overeating, sleeping too little or too much? In other words, going to extremes. It may seem illogical. Another example: there are many children who show a lot of energy and hyperactivity and who are actually exhausted. In children things don’t ‘add up’ as they do in adults, in fact there are often real paradoxes.
As Vega says, when a child is diagnosed with stress, many parents are surprised and think: “Can such young children have stress?” Yes, they can suffer from some types of stress, although at very young ages, it is usually caused by lack of care or by being separated from their parents.
“But around the age of 10, we already see many children who are too busy [with activities] and suffer from anxiety,” said the psychologist, who considers that it is now a fairly frequent diagnosis: “Before, it was not measured, but today I think there are more cases for two reasons: they spend less time playing outside and less time with the family.”
Unicef experts warn that any symptom of stress sustained over time requires specialised help. But there are several signs that should set alarm bells ringing as they indicate a level of distress so high that it can become unbearable: withdrawal, immobility, fear in the presence of others, mutism, extreme and constant worry, aggressiveness, desire to harm others, confusion or disorientation.
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