"Classical music has been like a best friend; it has never let me down"

He doesn't look like he's the sort of person to play classical music. Not the way he dresses in a T-shirt, trainers and messy hair, nor by the way he talks, with one popular swear word repeated several times throughout the interview. He has recently published a book in which he talks about the rapes he suffered from the age of six at the hands of his boxing teacher and the destructive spiral of drugs, alcohol and five suicide attempts that followed as a result.

At 42, youre still alive despite everything and you seem happy, despite everything. Do you consider yourself a survivor?

I think were all survivors, arent we? Ive never met anybody who hasnt been through difficulty. Im not sure Im happy; I have moments when I think Im kind of all right, but I think most people I know do struggle and one of the reasons why something creative is so important, whether its writing music, or painting or photography, [is because] we live in a world thats so fast and full of angst and stress and having something to counterbalance that really helps. So yes, I guess Im a survivor but I dont think anymore than anyone else is.

What role does classical music play in forming the person you are today?

Its been everything. Its been like a best friend. Its never let me down. Its something thats universal, maybe not just classical music but all music. I cant think of anyone who could conceive of a life without it. Its one of those things that works for all of us, whether in childhood or those awkward teenage years, its like it provides everything we need, its like a miracle drug that has no horrible side effects. And of course the best thing is that we live in an age where we can hold a piece of metal in our hand and listen to any style of music and piece of music ever composed in the history of music I find that unbelievably exciting. So yeah music has been and still is to this day the most important thing.

After writing and publishing Instrumental: A Memoir of Madness, Medication and Music, have you managed to get over your past or will that never happen?

I dont think it will happen. Its like if you have a bucket of water and sand and you stir up the sand and its all swilling around and it takes a long time for it to settle back down and I guess thats what happened with the book. And then there was the legal case around it, that cost two million euros and it took 18 months to be allowed to publish it. So it wasnt as cathartic as you might think but it wasnt unhelpful and its been very good to spread the word a bit and to allow things like this to be discussed more openly because its really important for people to talk more about this.

How have you changed since the court allowed you to publish your book?

I dont think Ive changed any more than if the book hadnt been written, Im always trying to change for the better and sometimes its more successful than other times. I enjoy writing, writing any book to me is really exciting and something I love. It helps me to be creative and its also a great thing to do when youre on a plane which Im on a lot at the moment. Its creative so I guess its changed me in that regard as it requires discipline and thought and I want to be better at it so the only way to do that is to write more and more. The way its really helped me is that its perhaps lessened the stigma around rape and its got people talking more about things like rape and mental illness, suicide, self-harm. But I dont think its a miserable book, its kind of a love story about music, fatherhood.

Youre working on another book. Whats it about?

Its weird its about 80,000 words and I still dont really know what its about! Its nonfiction again but its not a memoir. Its about me being on tour and trying to deal with the noise we all have in our heads. You know when youre anxious or depressed, even slightly, sometimes it just seems like its such a heroic path just to get out of bed, let alone put your clothes on and feed yourself and get the kids to school and show up to work. Its a bit about how we function in this world today, how our heads are so fucked up and were swimming in a sea of craziness. You only have to open the paper and look at the world we live in and you think were just going to implode. So its a book about survival, I guess, but its not a self-help book. Its about me on tour and about music and lot about Spain. Its a bit like a tour diary but hopefully not as self-involved as that.

Your books title, A Memoir of Madness, Medication and Music sounds like a new version of Sex Drugs and Rock n Roll dont you think?

Id prefer the sex, drugs and rock n roll to be honest with you. I tried the sex and drugs and I wasnt very good at it.

Recently we've heard that 500 children at the Regensburger choir school in Germany had been victims of abuse over five decades. How do you feel hearing this? Does it bring all your pain back?

Yes, It always does. It doesnt take much. I only have to watch a commercial on the TV with a kid in it and thats enough to set me off, let alone a graphic rape scene in a movie. The truth is its an epidemic, its everywhere - the only thing that surprises me is that people appear surprised and say how could this have happened? Even the language we use around it is so soft and weak we molest people, or interfere with them or abuse them. Abuse is the wrong word. I understand the reasons why because we dont want to confront what were capable of doing but we do need to open our eyes and sadly this is just the tip of the iceberg.

You know you dont look like a conventional concert pianist. You look more like an indie musician. Are you tired of seeing so many suits on stage in the classical music world?

Ive never understood it. Can you imagine calling Matt Bellamy of Muse and saying we want you to play five nights at the O2 in London but youll have to wear a tuxedo? Hed just laugh. Theres no reason for it other than to try and make it some sort of elevated art form and its bullshit. The music is the only thing that can never change and that has stood on its own for hundreds of years and will continue to for hundreds of years. Were probably not going to be listening to Harry Styles in 300 years but were sure as shit going to be listening to Chopin and Bach. Ive always played in what Im comfortable in, not to make statements but just because I dont see why you have to be trapped in a suit that makes you sweat like a motherfucker while youre playing.

Why dont more pianists do that?

Its much safer to stick with the crowd, and just fel like youre kind of special and superior to everyone else because youre wearing a very smart outfit and dont acknowledge the audience and you scowl at them and then you play and then you scowl at them again and go home. I would feel short-changed you pay 40 euros for a ticket I want to know more.

Is changing an image the first step towards ending the idea of elitism in classical music?

It doesnt need a change of image but a change of the people involved, not the audience, but the promoters and the critics, the gatekeepers to the classical music world. They talk about wanting a younger audience but they do fuck all about it they like the idea of encouraging people who wear a suit and tie and can pronounce the names of the composers and it just makes me so enraged. If Mozart or Beethoven came to a concert today theyd just piss themselves laughing. Therell always be a very cultured, very wealthy audience sponsored by big corporate institutions and banks and thats fine, but Im much more interested in the 99.8%, the rest of the population who dont really know about classical music but would like to know a bit more, but before you even get through the door to a concert there are already fucking hurdles when should I clap? What should I wear? Whats a movement? How many movements are there in a sonata? A lot of people just say fuck it and buy the 50 best chill out classics ever and that breaks my heart. The Proms does it well, it provides a forum for classical music thats so open and doesnt have all of these rules attached to it.

Do you think that any pop or rock music will be listened to in the future with as much reverence as the great classical classics are today?

Theres always going to be Bowie and The Beatles, Freddie Mercury, Jimmy Hendrix, but I think its too early to tell about the current lot. Id love to think that Lana del Rey would be up there, or Amy Winehouse, but who knows? Its one of those weird things while people are alive youre not really sure. Schubert was a disaster, hardly anything he wrote was published while he was alive but now hes up there alongside Beethoven and Bach.

You say Bach saved your life but youve got Rachmaninov tattooed on your arm in Russian Cyrillic script. Why is that?

Bach for me is like the grandfather of music. Theres a direct link from him right the way through to the music we listen to today. Without him we wouldnt have Beethoven or Rachmaninov, or Justin Bieber for that matter. Rachmaninov I love because at a time when all the other composers were really pushing harmonic boundaries, he just decided to stick to his guns and write these lush incredibly romantic melodies. People really looked down on him at the time but his music now is just electrifying, Im impressed that he did that, it would have been so easy to change the way he wanted to compose to try and fit in but he didnt do that.