surinenglish

Do the light thing

This evening Antonio Banderas will bash a big red button with an oversized comedy mallet and the Malaga city centre Christmas lights extravaganza will be under way. Actually, the mallet bit was just my imagination running away with me - he’ll probably just flick a switch or something - but, nonetheless, the ensuing spectacular lightfest is guaranteed to bring joy and wonder in equal measure to everyone present.
There was an extraordinary photo in the paper of last year’s event when throngs of revellers were captured on camera at the moment the lights came on. So many of them were recording it on their mobile devices that the light show below from the phones, etc. nearly stole the thunder of the official display. The whole of Malaga’s main street - calle Larios - was awash with outstretched arms pointing Samsung 987654321x’s or whatever at the unfolding beauty above them. Why on earth do people do this? The resultant recordings can’t possibly serve any positive purpose unless you count boring the pants some poor bloke in the pub by showing him some flashing lights now reduced to the size of the palm of his hand. A reduction in dimensions which is directly proportional to the reduction in fun and enjoyment.
Mind you, there are those people who still insist on you listening to music on their mobile phones. We’re talking about work recorded painstakingly in professional studios after hours and hours of rehearsal and repetition, fine tuning the resulting soundscape throughout the process.
“Have you heard the latest by *insert name of artist*?”
“No, and I really don’t want to on that th...”
“Listen.” (Sticks phone in your uncompliant, retreating lughole).
“Tish tish, tsst tsst, tish tish tish, tsst tsst.”
“That sounds dreadful, please don’t ever do that to me again.”
“Yeah, it’s great isn’t it? Wait ‘til you hear Ed Sheeran’s new one, man.”
“Barman! Here’s fifty euros. Keep the change.”
“But you only had one beer, sir. Sir? .... Sir?!”
*Door slams, car screeches.
Mobile phones should have been a blessing (in certain circumstances they still can be) but in most cases they’re a curse.
Next year, I propose the ayuntamiento in Malaga promotes the Big Switch On Switch Off whereby just as the Christmas lights come on, everyone present turns off their phone for rest of the evening. If they’d agree to implement my idea I’d be quite happy to contribute to the scheme.
Maybe they’d let me pay for the mallet.