Held to account

There was a power cut in the centre of Malaga on 13 September at about six in the evening. It only lasted about thirty seconds but, alas, its repercussions are still being felt down at The Shakespeare.

The thing is, when the electric supply returned it did so with a surge of such welly as to incapacitate one of our air conditioning units. Obviously, I clutched my head in my hands at this point and screamed wildly at the heavens, cursing the gods of inadequate cabling.

"Don't worry, your insurance will cover it," said everybody present as they witnessed my vein popping routine from a very safe distance.

Today, more than two months later, yet another technician arrived (two hours late) to hum and ha, stroke his hipster beard and offer yet another opinion.

"Yes, definitely caused by the power surge," he proffered with the earnest intention of a man trying to apologise indirectly for wantonly wasting 120 minutes of my life.

"I know that - I was there. It's what I've been saying for the last eight weeks but the insurance company apparently needs confirmation in triplicate from every air conditioning technician ever to have lived in Western Christendom. Just write it down on your form and sign it, please, so I can send it to Tight Wad Insurance Ltd. or whatever it is they're called."

"Okey dokey. That'll be four zillion euros call-out fee, please, which we'll discount from your bill if we do the repair."

I should point out here, that the insurance company has, by now, admitted that the power cut did, indeed, cause the damage despite having spent the previous seven weeks denying it, presumably in the hope that I'd just become so bored with their list of synonyms for the word 'no' that I'd yawn myself to death.

They've even sent us some money - a paltry sum but, apparently, they'll pay the difference when the job finally gets done and the bill goes through in 2046 or whenever.

A word to the wise, then - if you ever happen to take out an insurance policy for a business, it's always a good idea to get it through your bank because our story basically went like this:

"Air con was bust by power surge - pay up, please."


"But it's covered by the policy."


"But I've been paying you monthly for three-and-a-half years and never once made a claim."


"Ok, you leave me no option. I'm taking all of my bank accounts and products elsewhere."

"Oh, ok then. Yes."

True story.