Take home pay

In eight years at the Shakespeare, we've been the victim of this practice on two occasions, one of them only last week when a woman concocted some yarn about having been mugged the previous evening and her phone being broken and not having any cash on her and needing to nip to her apartment for some money and... actually I can't remember anymore, I think I must have nodded off. Anyway, she never came back.

There are two other categories of non-payment. The first is the misunderstanding where each person in a group thinks someone else has paid. This has happened to us on five or six occasions over the years and the people concerned have always settled up at a later date, apologising profusely as they did so. There's really no need to apologise – these are genuine mistakes.

The other reason for non-payment is when tourists from the UK come to Spain and, quite understandably, want to get involved with as many local customs as possible. One of these customs is to pay your bill at the end of the evening rather than for every round of drinks individually as they would be used to doing back home. It's not uncommon for visitors like this to get up from their table, offer a cheery wave and a plethora of thank yous before promptly disappearing through the exit oblivious to the fact they haven't yet spent a penny. Unfortunately, the only remedy available to us in these circumstances is a brisk dash down the street in hot pursuit and a whispered explanation, which mostly results in much clasping of heads in hands and a deluge of apologies. Conversely, Spanish people have an in-built reflex which obliges them to check if everything has been paid or not before they leave any establishment. It's hard-wired.

As you can probably tell, we've always been extremely fortunate with regard to this type of occurrence but for a restaurant dealing with much larger bills, anything of the kind can be very damaging. Just ask the bar owners of Zaragoza.