Native tongue

The word I'll need to employ in order to do this is 'prórroga' which is so fiendishly difficult to pronounce that I suspect Beelzebub himself dreamt it up in one of his many idle moments. If the close proximity of all of those letter 'rs' weren't enough, somebody somewhere in the history of linguistic development, thought it would be a good idea to plonk an accent over the 'o' so that people from the North of Europe could make utter fools of themselves while simultaneously worrying whether they were emphasising the correct syllable in the act.

Whenever this scenario rears its ugly head, the beleaguered victim has various options to choose from.

The first is the coward's choice: try to find a way around it using clumsy expressions that no Spanish person in possession of a complete set of marbles would ever employ in the circumstances e.g. 'tiempo extra', or 'treinta minutos más.' The pitiful looks you'll receive if you plump for this way out are just as painful as the mocking laughter when you actually go for it.

That's the second option - going for it. In order to do this, you need to take a deep breath and rehearse the whole phrase in your head beforehand. I suggest '¿Habrá prórroga?' ('Will there be extra-time?') because, although it does introduce another cursed letter 'r' into the equation, It's short and to the point and will allow for a quick, if undignified, getaway should things go awry, which they surely will.

The third choice is to speak really, really slowly but this is a fool's errand only opted for by the kind of people who think that removing a sticking plaster from your forearm should be done at a snail's pace.

No, the only viable option is to sweat profusely from the forehead, puff out your chest and let rip.

"¿Habrá prórroga?"

If you were anywhere near successful, you'll now be faced with the problem of stopping your tongue, going like the clappers and beating the roof of your mouth to within an inch of its life. A swift slap around the chops usually does the trick. This can be administered by you, yourself or, indeed, any public-spirited bystander with nothing better to do.

Should you manage to pull it off, rest assured there'll be admiring glances from any other foreigners in the vicinity and maybe even the odd slap on the back.

If you fail - and it's a pound to a penny that you will - take comfort in the fact that you went down in a blaze of glory as you wander off to find a chemist specialising in mouth injury lotions.