The sixty-million-dollar man
If I did have sixty million dollars, the last thing that would occur to me would be to buy a humungous boat
Superyachts are funny things, aren't they? There's barely a week goes by that one isn't parked - sorry, moored - down at the port ... in Malaga these days. I caught a glimpse of one recently while out what might loosely be termed 'running' and my head was immediately filled with vast swathes of existential questions: 'Who on earth would buy one of those?' 'Why?' 'Can you play snooker on one or do the balls roll all over the place?' and loads more stuff like that.
Puffing and panting my way along the promenade, I then came to wonder how much one would cost to buy and realised that I had absolutely no idea. None at all. Well, I was sure it must be over a million pounds but that was about as certain as my calculations got. So, the first thing I did upon stumbling through the front door was to Google it. The top page that came up had a listing for superyachts worth more than sixty million dollars, so that gave me vague idea of how much I'd have to have in my piggy bank if I ever wanted one. That's the thing though - if I did have sixty million dollars, the last thing that would occur to me would be to buy a humungous boat. There must be more to this than meets the eye, I thought - some concrete reasons that someone would want to own a superyacht. This called for some in-depth research. I Googled 'Why do people buy superyachts?' This was the answer:
'Spending valuable time with family and friends, travelling the world in luxury, cruising some of the world's most remote regions whilst enjoying a six-star service, are just some of the perks to superyacht ownership.'
Let's look at these assertions one by one, then. The first, you can quite easily do at the pub or in your back garden. The second would depend on your definition of the word 'luxury' - if it involves spas, facials, sushi or chocolates on your pillow, you're much better off in your back garden. Remote regions haven't got pubs.
Anyone who talks about 'six-star service' is, like anyone offering 110%, trying way too hard and should be regarded with considerable suspicion. Stars only go up to five; as any child knows. Also the phrase 'just some of the perks' spuriously implies that there are loads more. Politicians use this trick when listing two things and sticking an 'etcetera' on the end as if there are many more. There aren't, there are just the two.
So, until such times as someone is able to convince me that a very big boat is a wise purchase I'll keep my sixty million dollars right where it is, thank you very much.
Meanwhile, I'm off to Google 'Can you play snooker at sea?' So are you.
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