Good truck charm

Let's consider some of the many brilliant perks that being a lorry driver has to offer in a bid to entice our younger readers (under 55) into the profession

Peter Edgerton
PETER EDGERTON

Apparently, nobody wants to be a lorry driver any more. According to all reports, there is currently a critical shortage of people wishing to climb behind the wheel of a truck and hit the road. Sadly, the situation is set to get much worse unless radical action is taken.

To this end, let's consider some of the many brilliant perks that being a lorry driver has to offer in a bid to entice our younger readers (under 55) into the profession.

First, you can listen to country music all day in a non-ironic way. Jolene, The Gambler and Your Cheatin' Heart are all excellent tracks but only a trucker is allowed to wind the windows of his vehicle down and sing along full-throttle while waiting at traffic lights. Doing so in a Ford Mondeo, by contrast, may lead to incarceration under the mental health act.

Secondly, you can eat burgers and hot dogs all day long. In fact, I suspect it's compulsory to eat burgers and hot dogs all day long. Surely, this is any young person's dream.

All the dietary habits you got told off for when you were fifteen are now perfectly legitimate as you cut loose and burn rubber, devouring miles of endless highway (or possibly sit in a lay-by waiting for a mechanic). Anyway, fast food heaven is only an HGV licence away.

Another marvellous plus-point to being a trucker is that you can use CB radio and give yourself a nickname - sorry, handle - like Womblechops, Cat In The Hat or Night Stalker. OK, maybe not the last one, but the possibilities are infinite.

Once you've got your name - sorry, 'handle' - you can say things like 'catch you on the flip flop' without being arrested. (It means 'see you on the way back', apparently).

Maybe best of all, though, is the fact that if you learn to reverse a double-trailer truck around a corner, so impressive will it be that you can marry anyone in the world of your choice.

Never mind poetry and music and a great sense of humour and all the boring old tropes like that. No, who could possibly resist anybody whose brain is capable of coordinating their little hands and feet on the controls in order to facilitate the most difficult manoeuvre known to mankind (apart from avoiding the one creaky stair in the house after five pints, obviously)?

Anyway, 10 - 7, Good Buddies.