2020. Whodathunkit? It doesn't seem that long ago that the year 2000 was a wildly futuristic concept and now, here we are, on the threshold of the third decade of the twenty-first century. It's utterly mind-boggling. What delights, then, will the coming twelve months bring?
A new SpongeBob film apparently, plus a Daniel Craig as James Bond offering to boot. It's difficult to predict which of the two will have the more outlandish storyline but, safe to say, at least one of the main characters involved will, at some point, find himself at the bottom of the ocean in dubious circumstances.
We've also got that European Cup thingy (not sure of its official title) in July with England remarkably being touted as favourites by many bookmakers despite facing the Czech Republic and Croatia in the group stages and er, well, being England. Belgium are probably worth a flutter if you're that way inclined.
We've also got the Tokyo Summer Olympics to look forward to - well, unless you're Russian - and then a tournament of that risible version of cricket that looks more like rounders, the TediousTwenty or whatever it's called will take place in Australia. Or South Africa. Or somewhere else. I can't remember.
Away from sport, we have the unfettered joy of the United States elections to look forward to, pitting the presumably recently impeached, yet markedly unscathed, Donald Trump against one of the very, very old candidates the Democrats seem hell bent on pushing forward. The three months prior to election night will largely consist of Fox News and CNN offering completely conflicting narratives of the exact same events to lots of people in their own echo chambers all munching on hot dogs and pizzas the size of Texas until somebody eventually wins and the losers are left to look on aghast, scratching their heads incredulously because they've never met anyone who votes differently from them except for that weirdo who lives at number eighty-three with his mother and too many cats.
In music, Ozzy Osbourne is set to release a new album called Ordinary Man, presumably ironically. The Boomtown Rats and the Pet Shop Boys will also put records out and although nobody under the age of 103 buys them anymore, that fact shouldn't trouble the sales figures of either group.
In other news, we pause to give thanks for our health and good fortune to live in times of such relative peace and abundance.
Happy New Year to one and all.