So, you started out searching for a video about how to fix a washing machine door hinge and seven hours later you're watching Betty Stove and Evonne Goolagong winning a women's doubles tournament in Philadelphia in 1975. Such are the caprices and the vagaries of the infinite internet resource which is YouTube.
Actually, this is just my way of explaining how I found myself staring agog at a song by the pop singer Pink yesterday.
What seemed like only minutes before I was idly perusing a very tubby Francis Lee diving clumsily in the penalty area for Manchester City and yet by some weird combination of osmosis and witchcraft here I was now, listening to a tune called Perfect (actually with an expletive in the real title) and it was, let me tell you, absolutely horrible on every level. Admittedly, the target audience for this stuff is twelve year old girls and I don't suppose the baldy fifty-something bloke demographic is a market Mrs Pink would be terribly interested in, but even so it was astonishingly bad, especially the lyrics. The gist can be gleaned from this bewildering couplet:
'Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than ****** perfect.'
I suppose the well intentioned idea is to help young girls with their self esteem but this guff is surely going to have totally the opposite effect. Nobody's perfect - except Kenny Dalglish, obviously - and that's the whole point. In my experience, people who understand this fundamental truth are generally far happier and more well balanced individuals.
So, I'm thinking of sending and alternative lyric to The Pinkstress and asking her to rethink her strategy.
'Dear Mrs. Pink,
Please consider the following minor adjustment to the lyrical content of your song Perfect (which, ironically, is far from it):
Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever feel like you're more than just one of 7.7 billion people presently on the planet.. tum tee tum tee tum.. and swearing in a song doesn't make you look tough and independent just a bit rude and unimaginative to be honest, especially if you're twelve... tum tee tum tee tum...'
Ok, it's not quite Leonard Cohen but I think a few thousand teenagers singing along to that might make the world a better place. Who knows, some of them may even get round to tidying their bedrooms on an annual basis.
We can leave boys' songs and the damage they're doing to society to another occasion because right now I have to dash - there's a jolly decent chap called Chuck in Arkansas who's very kindly going to show me how to fix a washing machine door hinge.