Don't offence me in

Modern Life Is Rubbish. The wildly overrated pop group Blur proffered this truism as an album title back in the mid nineties, so heaven knows what they'd need to come up with these days to encapsulate even half of the lunacy we're currently witness to.

A few days ago an eighteen-year-old girl in America posted a picture of herself in her prom dress on TwitFace or MonsterGram or somewhere and all hell broke loose. This is because she was accused of cultural appropriation - yet another confected category amid the quagmire of reasons to be offended on behalf of others (who normally couldn't care less) invented by the ever growing homogenous mass of swivel-eyed lunatics who feel it's their life's work to spend their days in a state of permanent outrage.

The clothing in question was Chinese in style, apparently, and this was reason enough for legions of people with nothing better to do than write stuff in capital letters peppered with exclamation marks to clasp their heads in disbelief and dig out their How To Be Offended manuals. Inevitably, any actual Chinese people were conspicuous by their absence in all the furore, presumably because they had better things to be doing - like a hard day's work, for example.

The tyranny of cultural appropriation is far reaching - it's said that white people should never be seen sporting dreadlocks, for instance. Actually, I wholeheartedly agree on this one, not because of some symbolic lack of respect you understand; more because they always look faintly ridiculous.

In the same way, it would have been a jolly good idea, I think, if UB40 hadn't culturally appropriated reggae music, principally because their version always sounded so nasally poor.

Talking of music, it's a good job being offended about stuff and nonsense wasn't a full time ocupation in the nineteen sixties when The Rolling Stones culturally appropriated (i.e. blatantly coped) the blues and The Beatles did likewise with, well, anything they could lay their hands on, actually. ("No, George, put the sitar down, you imperialistic hooligan. You're really being offensive, man.")

Anyway, that episode in history seemed to work out fine for our cultural legacy, didn't it? Well, except for Octopus's Garden, obviously.

So, look here, chaps. I'm getting more and more offended by people who get offended on behalf of others. No, hang on, that wasn't nearly loud enough; let's try again (clears throat).