13.08.09 - 18:56 -
Once upon a time in a faraway kingdom there lived three golden fish - Snap, Crackle and their best friend Pop. Day after day, night after night they’d swim in endless circles around their little bowl, contemplating the infinite for a micro second or two, forgetting where they were up to and starting all over again. They were happy in their reverie and troubled by nothing more than feeling a little peckish from time to time.
Now, along the marbled corridors of the magical palace of their dwelling, there lived a little ginger boy who, in the still of a long winter’s night, awoke from his slumber and decided to provide his little fishy friends with some sustenance. He rose from the warmth of his bed, padded bleary-eyed into the kitchen and generously emptied an enormous tub of fish food into the bowl. The three chums began to nibble gratefully but, unfortunately, not being intellectual heavyweights, they continued with their feast long after they were reasonably sated.
Snap, snapped, Crackle, crackled and Pop – well, I’m sure you understand... Found guilty of fishslaughter by his peers, the little ginger boy was discouraged from ever owning any living creatures again. I can only presume my antipathy towards animals - humans largely excepted - has its roots in the trauma of this heinous triple murder I committed as a five year old.
It’s a sensitive issue, the subject of pets. Some people can become very offended if you shout at their dog, for example - I know, I’ve done it quite a few times when they’ve come running towards me unbidden (the dogs, not the owners). Just recently I popped out to buy a paper and was accosted by a Yorkshire Terrifier (sic). I had no hesitation in yelling at the offending mutt only for the owner to tell me I had no right to speak to her dog like that (no, really, she did). I had even less hesitation in putting her right too. She looked genuinely taken aback at the suggestion that the dog should be kept on a lead and not spend its spare time leaping menacingly at random strangers.
It’s a fact that many pets bring great joy and comfort to vast numbers of people and that’s a very good thing. However, some of them would bring joy and comfort to a great many more if they were kept properly under control.
